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A lot of people wonder why Allen ran for Probate Judge of Harris County, Georgia. We hope he’ll write something about it sometime soon. For now, there is a partial answer given in an interview that you can watch on YouTube.

Go to YouTube and type in “Sunday Interview with Allen Levi” …

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Just Dropping by …

blog, October 20, 2014

Greetings and regrets for another long, long, long silence. Forgive me once again?

Short version: all is well.

Longer version, but still briefly:

i recorded two new CD’s this year. One is a collection of lullaby-ish songs. The other, which i started last year, is songs about farmers and farming and about how agriculture expresses the Gospel.

i wrote a messy first draft of a book about Gary, for the family. i’m still working on it and have a new appreciation for people who do their writing strictly with ink and paper (or keyboard and screen.) As you might imagine, the project was bittersweet. Gary’s memory was and is good company to keep.

i took up turkey hunting, something Gary and i used to do together from time to time. It’s an early morning hunt that requires skill, movement and pre-sunrise wake ups. It is amazing what one sees and hears when the eyes and ears, as they must be in turkey hunting, are on full alert.

i oversaw the first blueberry harvest at the farm this past summer. The plants were put in the ground — a thousand of them — maybe 4 or 5 years ago, by Gary. i thought it might be another year before they produced anything substantial. But by May of this year, it was rather obvious that the plants would make a lot of fruit. It caught us a bit by surprise but we were able to offer the berries to friends and neighbors who would do the picking themselves. My guess is that 400 gallons were harvested. Many more gallons fell to the ground or fed the birds. Hopefully, we’ll be ready next year and will have a process in place.  (From the gallons picked this year, we were able to collect several thousand dollars to help a church in Pakistan.)

As of two weeks ago, the farm has a new dog. i say “farm” because it’s uncertain at present just who the dog belongs to. My folks got it for security at their house. For some reason, i’m spending lots of time with it. He’s a beautiful 4 year old mix — Lab for sure and maybe Rottweiler or some such — that we got from the local shelter. He shows signs of having been trained and well cared-for. He’s big and sort of scary looking but he is as gentle as any dog we’ve ever had. His name is Buddy. He shows signs of being a songwriter.

i’ve had two dreams –well, really more like scenes in a dream — about Gary. i still find it hard to believe that he’s not coming back. i think considerably about heaven, and it makes me happy, and homesick.

i harvested around 36 gallons of honey this year.

On 5 different Saturday mornings this summer, i helped a friend “process” his pasture raised poultry. i’ll leave to your imagination all that goes into “processing” a chicken. Clue: the bird starts off alive and feathered; she ends up in a plastic bag, ready to be cooked. We handled 750 chickens over the summer.

i am running for Probate Judge of Harris County. Yes, that is a very big life change (if i win the position) but one that seems like a great opportunity to know, serve and love my community is new ways. i am running at the suggestion of some wise friends (i would never have dreamt of such an undertaking on my own), ones whose judgment i trust much more than my own. The election is a just a couple of weeks away. Perhaps i’ll write more about it when it’s over. To those of you who know me even a little bit, let me assure you — yes, it is as awkward and uncomfortable as you are thinking it must be for one of my disposition. But the job offers some wonderful ways to help people who are in some difficult seasons of life.  …   And, yes, i’ll continue to do music on some level.

i had the exquisite good fortune of hearing Andrew Peterson sing and Wendell Berry speak, in the same room on the same night in Nashville, Tennessee.

i saw James Taylor in concert. So good.

i still read lots. At present i’m enjoying The Autobiography of Mark Twain. Have just recently finished the short novels of John Steinbeck. Am also reading F.W. Boreham on a regular basis. Got a book in the mail today, Letters of Note, which is a collection of historically significant, if little known, letters from the past. Looks quite good. Maybe one a night at bedtime.

i am presently rehearsing a Christmas concert that will be performed in Columbus, Georgia on December 20. i have wanted to do this concert — a collection of Christmas songs that i’ve written — for years.  i’ll be joined by some fabulous other players for a two hour’s program in a magnificent 1800 seat venue.

My hair turned white this past year. Not just a touch of gray, but seriously white. It catches people off guard and, as they try to make sense of the change, i explain to them that it probably looks a bit unfamiliar because i’m parting it differently. Amazing how quickly the transformation occurred. Just in time to run for judge.

i cannot imagine life without Christ. i cannot imagine love without Christ. i cannot imagine dying without Christ.

All is well. Life is good.

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i know …  It’s been a while.  A long while.   …

Recently, i received a letter from a good friend who expressed concern for my state of heart and mind, a “haven’t-heard-from-you-in-a-long-time” letter. With her permission, i’m posting my response in case others might wonder if i’ve fallen off of the earth. Thank you for caring.

 

August 11, 2013

Dear Dr. Pat,

 

Thank you for your kind letter. Even though it was addressed to me, i read it — as i have all your letters over the years, hundreds of them by now — with a sense that i am simply their guardian until some future day when i turn them over to the children. What a treasure these pages will be for them, a rich window into the good heart that God has given and shaped in you. Abbey, Matt and Jon — and perhaps their children and their’s after them — will be enriched to know that God placed you and them all together in one brightly colorful family. This simply to say that all you’ve written is in safekeeping and that none of your words are ever lost or wasted.

 

Your inquiry into my long silence is appreciated and i hope that ones like yourself, who have continued to write and reach out to me during the past year, wil forgive what must seem like severe unneighborliness. Your range of possible explanations for my absence — illness, sadness, transition, fatigue — are the same ones that i would have imagined had our places been reversed;. But none of those are quite accurate, and truth is, i really don’t know why i have found it so difficult to write anything, especially about myself, since Gary’s passing.

 

Over the past few months, Beth has repeatedly asked me to let friends know that all is well with me. And i have approached my desk a number of times with that intention in mind, only to come away empty-handed.   When she told me bluntly a few days ago that i was behaving unkindly, especially in light of the support and affection that so many have shown me over the years, i was, as i well should have been, properly and soundly rebuked. Sadly, what kindness could not apparently compel me to do, shame has.  …

 

And so, dear Pat, i write to ask your forgiveness and to thank you for the thoughtfulness that you’ve shown me during this silent season. i have no doubt that forgiveness will be granted and i can only hope that you’ll know my thanks to be sincere. Receipt of missives from Gladstone is always an occasion of gladness for me. …   If you can imagine me sitting in my truck, in one of the two parking spaces outside the Hamilton post office, opening mail, propping my arms up on the streering wheel, and reading about the latest happenings from N. Grand, you’ll get some idea of the small journey that your letters make possible. Thank you for the always welcome words.

 

You wonder how i am doing now, a year removed from Gary’s passing. Is grief still heavy on me? Am i under any weight of doubt or anger or confusion? Truth is, i am doing very well. i miss everything that i feared i might miss about him, and even some things that never occurred to me, but my days are full of pleasant tasks and i am moving ahead with life as i think Gary, and God, would want me to — praying to grow in my love for Christ, endeavoring to serve and involve myself with folks close to home, rooting myself in the life of the community, and being watchful for things that are beautiful and good.

As far as musical work goes, i am very much in a season of transition. Both a need and a desire to be home means that my travels will be very minimal going forward, at least for the foreseeable future. The family land requires time and attention; my parents, at a healthy 84 and 85, are the company i most want to keep these days; and local commitments are increasingly meaningful to me. i still write songs and, at present, am working, at the request of a farmer in Indiana, on a project that is aimed at sharing the Gospel with people who work in agriculture. i’ll send you a copy of it when it’s completed.

My intention, in the short term, is to continue writing and to use the internet more to share what i come up with. i don’t think for a minute that “virtual” communication can ever replace the incarnational reality of people in a room listening to stories and songs, but the digital highway does at least provide a stage for sharing thoughts and creative ideas.

 

For the last few weeks, i’ve been using some of my time, usually early mornings, to write a book of sorts — vignettes and reflections about Gary — for the family. Recent celebrations of his birthday and the anniversary of his passing have made me realize that i’m forgetting details of his life that i very much want to keep alive somehow. i continue to be disappointed with the inability of words, or, better said, my clumsy use of them, to express and describe the things i want to say about so grand a soul but writing keeps his presence somehow familiar and close at hand. …

At some point, i’ll read old sermon notes, letters, and miscellaneous writings that Gary left behind, and will gradually get to the studio to work on some hymns that he recorded during his illness. i’m not sure what i’ll have when i finish — some music, some photos, some scribbles from Gary and some prose of my own– but, when all is said and done, the audience for the work will be small, 20 or so family members. If you’d like, i’ll gladly send you a copy of what i end up with.   …  i so wish that you and other far away friends could have met him before he left us.

 

This summer has been much like previous ones in that i split the daytime hours between studio work in the mornings and outdoor work in the afternoons and evenings. Regular and abundant rains have kept the farm atypically green and have made mowing — yards, pastures, roadsides — an almost daily requirement. But the work is not hard and allows for lots of time to think and pray. Being outdoors late in the day means that i have seen some glorious, truly, sunsets and cloud banks.

 

“Here i stand, another day behind me,

Sunset, pasture, woods,

This old land, a thousand ways reminds me,

That You, my God, are good  … “

 

And so it does. And so He is.

 

i regret that i have not been to Liberty in so long now. Our annual day of conversation was one of the highlights of my travel calendar for years and i miss the insight and perspective that you brought to so much of my thinking. Your letters, of course, fill that gap admirably but i hope that someday, when the kids might happen to be home, i will get to see all of you in person.

 

i hope you’ll not mind me saying again just how fortunate WJ is to have you on its faculty. God alone knows the good work you’ve done and the fruitful seeds that you’ve sown in hearts there over the years. …

 

And do keep me posted of Aslan’s movements as His intentions become clear.

 

My best to the three. i hope all of you are doing well.

 

 

Gratefully,

levi

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Closing a Chapter …

August 16, 2012

The kindness of friends allows me to sit seaside on the east coast of Florida this morning. i have been here for a few days alone, with a front porch 50 paces from the Atlantic, and have made use of this most ideal setting for reading, praying, thinking, and napping, all of which i have done in good measure.

Since Gary’s passing (i still have a difficult time using the word “death”), my days have been full, perhaps too much so, with things that needed to be done at home but i’ve had a gnawing sense that i needed to be alone for awhile, and undistracted, with Gary’s memory, not out of any dark need to grieve but simply to reflect on and, if possible, find my way into a deeper grattude for the past year.

i brought a large stack of handwritten papers — Gary’s old sermon notes — that i recently discovered in a file cabinet at his house. i had no idea that he kept them. They are largely illegible, and thoroughly invaluable.

i brought a book that he wrote for me as a birthday gift last year — a collection of devotional thoughts called Brother to Brother. There is one print copy of it, mine, in all the world.

i brought my computer with pictures of some of the trips that Gary and i took in recent years.

i brought a journal that i kept over the past 12 months. It was not a daily record, and it lacks in detail, but, if i’m not mistaken, it contains entries regarding significant moments and impressions from July 23, 2011 to July 22, 2012.

i miss my brother terribly. i still find it hard to take a deep breath and there are moments when realization of his absence doubles me over with a hurt i have no name for. The finality of death and the weight of the word “never” (as in, never walk together again, never hear his laughter, never see him across the field, a thousand “nevers”) force their inflexibility on me a bit more and more everyday.

But, at the same time, there are hope and faith and promises that hold. And something about sky and ocean on a morning like this one give me an abiding sense that all is well.

But don’t i wish, oh God how i wish, that i could walk today with Gary, and hear his voice, and add one more living sentence to the story of our friendship. i miss him so, so much.

For the past year, most, maybe all, of my entries on this site have been about Gary and the cancer season that we’ve walked through together. While i know that the season is not yet over for me, and never will be, i think it might be wise, and neighborly, to curtail my writing on the subject at this time. You have been so gracious to take interest in our journey, even to the point of asking me to keep you posted. When i’ve been inclined to do it, writing has helped me make sense of what we were living day to day. But i think it’s time to move on, to let other thoughts have a voice.

In closing this chapter, i’d like to share two journal entries, one from June of this year, one from July. They are in tribute to a handful of brethren, friends of Gary and mine and our family, who have stood shoulder to shoulder with us at every step of the past year. In a sense, they are a tribute to all of you who have stood with us and blessed us.

 First, an entry from June 16, 2012:

This morning, a pleasant, almost cool, Saturday morning, a group of 25 men or so, the same ones that come together weekly to ‘provoke one another to love and good deeds,’ gathered beside the small white chapel on the farm, shovels in hand, to cut a hole in the dense, but, thankfully, rain soaked Georgia clay. We worked in pairs. Each twosome would dig enough soil to fill a wheelbarrow, then make way for the next team — assembly line grave-diggers if you will. There was laughter and conversation. There was perspiration and deep breath. There was gladness and a sense of purpose to the morning’s labor.

Before the actual digging began, we assembled inside the old church building to pray and to discuss the day’s task. The point was made that our labor would be an act of kindness, an act of community, an act of affection, and an act of defiance.

It would be an act of kindness, a visible, practical gift to Gary’s family, as if to say, “someone, at some point in the near future, is going to have to do this difficult thing. We’d like to do it because we can do it with a love and with a purpose that no hired hand could possibly bring to the task. We have so been wanting to prove ourselves useful to you over the past months. Let our hands be the ones that break this ground.” Kindness.

It would be an act of community. Anyone knows that there are easier, quicker, more efficient ways than shoveling to dig a hole in the hard Georgia clay. There are diesel powered machines that do the work well, for instance. One person, impersonal and detached, can get the job done in very little time and with little or no sweat. But these brethren, during their decade of gatherings, have come to believe there is something holy about working side by side. And, particularly for an undertaking like this one, their participation is an affirmation that the passing of a friend is not just a private loss but a communal one. Our band of brothers will be diminished, considerably so, when Gary is gone. … i can say with confidence that no one there this morning will ever forget the experience. It was brotherhood. It was friendship. It was work. It was worship.

It would be an act of affection. All of those present this morning know and love Gary. Most have known him for years; all have benefited from his influence in their lives. Some are his ‘children in the faith’. Upon receiving news of his illness a year ago, these same men wept unahamedly and prayed unceasingly and talked unreservedly about their indebtedness to Gary. And today, while believing in the miraculous but resigned to the probable, they dirtied their hands and feet to prepare a place for his body. And a mighty fine place it was when all was said and done, precise and orderly and clean, 40 inches wide, 48 inches deep, 96 inches long.

It would be an act of defiance. We read this scripture to start the day:

“Since the children have flesh and blood, (Jesus) too shared in their humanity that by His death He might destroy him who holds the power of death – that is, the devil — and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.” — Hebrews 2:14,15.

Some might think ours’ a morbid task, one best left to the morticians and their crew. For us though, the doing of it allowed us to quietly declare that we will not live as slaves to our fear of dying. Any death, particularly this one, is in a sense unwelcome and unnatural. It still makes us uneasy and afraid. But, our work today was a ‘taunt‘ to the one who would have us live in abject terror of our mortality. “Death, we are not afraid of you. Where is your victory? Where is your sting? Have you not heard of Jesus? Have you forgotten His cross? Have you forgotten His empty tomb? Do you think that WE have forgotten it? Poor death. You poor pitiful thing.”

Kindness, community, affection, defiance — those ingredients make for a good day. And a good day it was.

When Gary was first diagnosed with a brain tumor, and after he agreed to seek medical care, we had to choose, as a family, what kind of treatment he should receive and where. Our choices were many. Early on, with Gary’s emphatic agreement, the decision was made to keep him close to home, in the belief that the best medicine – or most preferable death — was that which allowed for the constant nearness of people who loved him.

Gary is still with us, but weakening noticeably. i pray that we will love him well to the end. That has been our privileged work of the past year, to love him such that the last thing he feels, hears, or senses in this world will be the tenderness, reverence, affection and adoration of those to whom he means most; in short, so he will leave this place feeling the same things, but to a lesser degree, that he will feel when he takes his first breath on the other side.  …   Might today’s work have somehow served that purpose. Make it so, dear Lord.

This evening, i sent this message to the brethren:

Saturday evening, June 16, 2012,  9:35 p.m.

Dear Brethren,

Words fail me but i didn’t want the day to end without at least trying to express my thanks to you for your work this morning. How blessed we are, and how heartily can we say with the Psalmist, “the lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.” …

i went back to the burial plot this evening by myself. It looked and felt totally different than it did when we were all together there earlier today. This morning there was activity, conversation, and camaraderie. This evening, it was stillness, quiet, and solitude. Standing there alone made me thankful that my memories of the place will always include the sight of friends working side by side, the sounds of laughter and lightheartedness, and a sense of community that is bigger somehow than any one of us. Knowing that your footprints are in and around the spot where Gary will be laid to rest is a comforting thought and i’m sure that he’d be happy to know that you and i had a hand in preparing it.

It is such a gift to follow Christ and do life with ones like you. Thank you for sharing your time with me, not just today but weekly. i am honored, and

i am your debtor.

allen

              Then, a note from July 26, 2012

Our family burial service on Tuesday (the 24th) was concluded with one task unfinished. Gary’s casket and vault were put in place but left uncovered. This morning, instead of meeting at my house on the porch as we usually do, the brethren gathered by the chapel, shovels in hand, to ‘close’ Gary’s grave. It was a beautiful morning.

We sang a song.

We read John 21, spoke of resurrection, and said a prayer.

We moved the soil back to its place.

We said goodbye.

Our work is done. 

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We have wondered for some time now, weeks at least, what Gary is capable of seeing. From the outset of his cancer season, we’ve known that the brain tumor was compromising his ability to see. We have reason to believe, even now, that he has some vision left.

Tonight, after a long, hard, tender, sweet, sad day of obvious decline in Gary’s condition, we pulled up the shades of the westward facing porch so that we could watch a Harris county sunset together. From where we sat, green pastures, the still waters of our pond, trees in full foliage, and the house that Gary lived in before he became ill were visible.

We think that Gary saw the sunset. His eyes were sleepy but open and the evening light was strong.

If he did, it was his last in this world.

And we can only imagine what sort of sunrise greets him this morning.

Gary Carlton Levi, born June 30, 1957, went home — to his true home with Christ — early this morning, July 22, 2012, a day prior the the one year anniversary of his brain tumor diagnosis. He died at the farm, surrounded by those who knew him best and loved him most — Dad, Mom, Beth (with Greg and Aron), Linda (with Kevan), Laura and me. Just as we had been all day yesterday, we were close beside him, assuring him that we would be here till the end and letting him know that we love him enough to gladly let him go when God called him. After a bout of troubled breaths, he became quiet and slipped away from us.

Of course, our hearts break. The world seems strangely deflated already without Gary in it but we are hopeful and grateful just the same. None of us will ever look at his world quite the same. Something momentous has been taken from it. And none of us will never look at heaven the same. It will forever be the place, going forward, where we will find our dear brother and son again.

We are not certain yet about when the memorial service will be but will post something here as soon as plans are finalized.

Thank you for standing with us through such a long difficult journey. We will forever be your debtors.

Someone suggested last night that, as Gary approached his end in this world, i was standing beside him as his best man, helping him prepare for his wedding day. It has arrived. Gary was ready.

“Who gives this man to be married to the Maker of the Mountains.”

“i do, dear Lord.  …   i do.”

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As i write this, Gary is sleeping soundly just a couple of feet away from me. i just sang him a song, in little more than a whisper, that is sometimes sung at the church we attend:

“glory, glory, hallelujah,

since i laid my burden down

glory, glory, hallelujah,

since i laid my burden down.

i’m goin’ home now, to be with Jesus,

since i laid my burden down

i’m goin’ home now, to be with Jesus,

since i laid my burden down.

The old song, a slave hymn, seems apropos to the moment.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Since yesterday, Gary’s physical condition has continued to decline. By bedtime last night, he was having trouble drinking  fluids and had a very bad cough.

We met with our Hospice nurse this morning (she has become family to us over the past 6 or 7 months) and she has advised us, after consulting with the doctors, to discontinue feeding Gary and to discontinue most of his medications. He is, she says, close to . The Hospice term is “actively dying”. She is quick to admit that no one knows how much time we have left with him and simply encourages us to do the very thing we have been, and are, eager to do: love him well to the very end.

By tomorrow evening, my 3 sisters, Dad, Mom and i will be here together, presumably till the time of Gary’s passing.

And of course, you’ll be here too, in ways immeasurable but real. i am convinced that, on some level, he senses your affection, feels your prayers, knows of your love and concern for him. And we will certainly endure these days as a family on the strength of your intercession.

We cannot thank you too many times. Nor can we overstate our gratitude to the Lord Jesus for the promises and the good hope of His gospel. “Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift.”

For those who might be asking if we’ve given up on asking for a miracle from God; we would be overjoyed by the return of a perfectly healthy Gary. But we do not fear the probable — his passing away — and i’m not even sure that, as a family, we have been praying with great energy for a cure. We believe in miracles and would welcome one now, but we also accept that heaven itself is miraculous, every bit a much so or more than a short term restoration of health, and continue to simply pray that God’s will be done. We have no one that we can trust but Him, and we trust that, on account of our Lord Jesus, He has been, still is, and always will be “for us”.

We will keep you posted.

“Blessed are the homesick; for they shall make it home.”

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If i had to title this entry, i would call it “A Heart Affair and A Heart Repair.”

i am happy to announce that Shania and Obie are now lawfully married. The wedding, i am told, went splendidly. i was not able to be there.

On the night before the big event, as i was putting final touches on a song that i was writing for the ceremony (a honeymoon song appropriately titled “See Rock City”), my dear Mom awoke to tell us that she was having chest pains and numbness in her arm. A  midnight trip to the emergency room revealed that she was having a mild heart attack. She had a heart catheterization done to deal with a blockage, stayed in the hospital for several days, and was told by her doctor in no uncertain terms to rest and avoid stress. To that end, she and my Dad have relocated to their condominium in Columbus. She’s doing well. She’ll be coming to the farm several times a weeks to check on Gary and tend to things here. She and Dad both claim to be bored mindless in town. i know that they want to return to the excitement of life in the middle of the woods but, for now, they’re doing what the doctor advised.

 

    • The Short Update on Gary

Gary’s condition is much as it was at the last update. He has declined noticeably and is mostly non-communicative. He sleeps most of the time and, when awake, keeps his eyes closed. It seems that he has lost any functioning sense of sight. Thankfully, he can still chew food and swallow, though he eats little. He has a preference for watermelon and mocha milk shakes. Most mercifully, he is still pain free except for occasional headaches.

My three sisters — Beth, Linda, and Laura — have been angelic in their willingness to help with Gary’s care (as have the families they’ve left in Tuscaloosa, Auburn, and Missoula). Gary and i are rich indeed to have them in our lives.

Sometimes i hold Gary’s hand and sing old hymns to him, very softly, while he rests. When he hears the first notes, his face relaxes noticeably. He seems to enjoy and take comfort from the songs and the familiar voice.

On one occasion a couple of days ago, he began humming in what, i am convinced, was his effort to sing along.

At another time that same day, after i’d been there a good long while, i stopped singing since he was, i thought, very sound asleep. He raised his left hand slightly and moved it as if he were gently patting someone on the head. Of course, i want to believe that he was thanking me, applauding me, expressing his affection for me. i hope i’m right; i think i am. If so, i will archive the gesture as the most memorable applause of my musical life, from the most wonderful audience i’ve ever known.

– WHY IT IS HARD TO WRITE THESE UPDATES …

Two years ago, in conversation with a teenage boy wise beyond his years. i asked him to describe his girlfriend. (His dad had told me that he had a romantic interest.) After a long pause, the young man said something along these lines, “if i try to describe her to you, i might leave something out or emphasize something wrongly or paint a false picture of her. i’d rather that you just meet her in person.” And so, later that night, the three of us had supper together and i met the one that he felt he could not adequately describe in words.

She proved to be, as he knew all too well, too charming for words, certainly greater than the sum of her parts. And i admired the ability of the young man to hold his tongue, to understand the limitation of words, and to bide his time.

What’s the point, you ask?

i am asked frequently about Gary’s condition? And i completely understand the question — i have asked similar ones countless times myself when wanting to know about others — and i try always to answer it. But i always fear that, in reducing the present season to an inventory of body parts and symptoms and medical facts, i am almost irreverently handling a phenomenon that is infinitely greater than the sum of its parts. That might be why i am so delinquent with my updates to this page. i wish that it were possible for me to say “if i try to describe it, i might leave something out or emphasize something wrongly or paint a false picture of what’s really going on here. i wish you could be here in the middle of this event with me, and love this dying friend as much as i do, so that you understand what is going on for yourself.”

Many, maybe most, possibly all of you have lived through a cancer season yourself. You know what it feels and looks like. You know the sinking feeling at the start of the morning when the little light that was in your loved one’s eyes yesterday is even less today. You know the uneasiness of waking up wondering what the day might hold for you. You probably know about the small regrets that haunt you about the things you wanted to get done while he could still write, still speak, still sit up, still sing, still comprehend clearly.

It is difficult, when the days are all about dry sheets and timely medicines and breathing patterns, to think of anything but the visible, the tangible, the immediate. And it has proven, for me, to be no small challenge to remember, day to day, the promises of God, the truth of Jesus, and the claims of my faith, though they are always in reach.

So, a few layman’s observations concerning Gary’s condition, poorly worded at that, are all i can give you. And, as a family, we are not at all sure what much of it means. We love the Gary that we are given each day, however much or how little of him that might be, and trust that he can still sense our affection for him in the meager ways that we can connect with him now.

i’ll keep writing in an effort to keep you informed. And i will trust your ability to keep the bigger picture in mind. The whole of all this is so much greater than the sum of its parts.

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